Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Aug 13, 2020 8:20:41 GMT
When I stepped up the plate to lead this community, I was under the assumption it was easy, I was wrong. Leading a community so politically diverse is extremely difficult. Between server management, development, disputes, and the other things I can't speak of as it's 1AM. I feel as if I'm a puppet in a circus. I'm mentally exhusted. I never share this, because I come from a place where it's precieved as weak. I just can't do it anymore. I'm sorry.
As of right now, I am planning on stepping down from this server as the Owner. The constant battle between what I envision, and what the people want are so vastly different (at least to me) that it makes me question why am I here.
I said I would never leave. I wanted to prove to the people that said it couldn't happen. I spend my entire life trying to prove to people that I can do something. I try to push the limits even when no one believes I can. And for the most part I think I did. But it's never enough.
Deep down inside I have massive insecurities, and honestly I really need to fix them.
I try to make friends with both sides of the group, I make friends with people that completely hate each other. I find myself agreeing with both sides of the party, being a fake mother fucker. I just can't do that fake shit anymore. It's just not me. I'm tired of not being me.
I let you guys down. I'm an utter failure. I feel like a complete piece of shit. This isn't a fucking guilt trip, this is how I actually feel, and I'm tried of fucking hiding it.
Is my decision 100% final? No, I doubt anyone can change my view right now, then again I've been proven wrong so many times, I don't know. It's mentally exhusting, and I just feel like no one knows how I feel at times. And then I know I don't know how others feel some times. It's just this mass of conflicting emotions and thoughts that I just can't do. Owning a server is not like being a famous artist or massive public figure where everyone follows you like sheep.
I'm going to bed and I'm going to try to think about it tomorrow.
I don't hate you guys, TotalFreedom has been a part of my life since I got on the internet.
I really hope that if I do leave, whoever takes my place will do it better. Someone is always better than you.
I would like to thank Derek, you know him has zevante. He's been a really good friend helping me through some of the downs I have with TF, and if anyone should own this server, I would choose him, if it wasn't for the ownership policy.
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grntbg
Full Member
Omnis anima potestatibus sublimioribus subdita sit.
Posts: 295
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Post by grntbg on Aug 13, 2020 8:23:47 GMT
I don't think anybody feels this way about how you've acted as server owner. I think you've gained an admirable support among peers. Alas, if it's your will to step down, godspeed.
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Jay
Veteran Member
TFM is a mess.
Posts: 2,756
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Post by Jay on Aug 13, 2020 8:24:53 GMT
While I disagree with your reasoning, because you're a very good Owner, I always encourage decisions for mental health. If you need to leave, godspeed in your endeavors my friend.
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Post by DragonSlayer2189 on Aug 13, 2020 8:24:54 GMT
i honestly don't know what to say, you have brought this up in the past and i never saw that side of you before then, after that, seeing the otherside of you, i know i can never truely know how much pressure you have to deal with
i hope you think this over.
From what i remember you saying, you always felt like you had to live up to what mark or windows had done in the past, and i know thats a hard thing to do. take a break for your mental health or something
your a great owner, and i will always standby that, you have done nothing but good for this comunity and i can't imagine what it would be like without you
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Post by zekurt on Aug 13, 2020 8:33:05 GMT
You've done things no owner has been capable of. You looked past your own biases and took action against corrupt people you are friends with. You have gone against your own judgement to do what the community thought was best. You ARE the best owner this server has ever had.
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nick
Veteran Member
Posts: 766
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Post by nick on Aug 13, 2020 8:37:07 GMT
I may as well say it, Seth is one of the best owner we had since mark, it's no where near being your fault and I think this all happened in a bad timing. I'm glad that me and other are getting blamed for it since we spoke with we believe is the truth. Tomorrow is a new day, I highly suggest that you don't step-down at all cost.
No matter what people think and that includes myself and the others, you're an amazing owner and well fit for this position because you listen and try your best to make everyone happy. I would choose having you as an owner over all the problems we discussed, It came to a point where I'm almost okay with the shit happening in TF as long as you're in control.
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zeseryu
Veteran Member
Admin Officer
ops rights activist
Posts: 1,181
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Post by zeseryu on Aug 13, 2020 8:40:41 GMT
I truly do believe you are the best owner the server has, and i've been here through all 3. There's not a single person more capable to run this server than you.
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noah
Full Member
dank
Posts: 238
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Post by noah on Aug 13, 2020 8:42:17 GMT
You had a great run.
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anthony
Member
Posts: 27
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Post by anthony on Aug 13, 2020 8:43:07 GMT
i just joined tf and 1000 things happened over the span of 3 days!
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Daniels
Veteran Member
Posts: 349
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Post by Daniels on Aug 13, 2020 8:49:58 GMT
I highly encourage you do take a break. This server can go by without an Owner for a few weeks. Once you return, we will happily welcome you back with open arms, if you wish to become an Owner again or not.
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Luke
Veteran Member
Go home to your family, Neo
Posts: 1,124
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Post by Luke on Aug 13, 2020 8:56:51 GMT
As an owner I always thought you've done really well. Sure, you made mistakes, but that's what they were, mistakes. Your entire tenure shouldn't be defined by those mistakes, which is why I'll always remember you as the best owner TF had. You mostly looked past biases, you acted extremely kindly to me during that pastebin incident, and you've done so much more I wouldn't have expected any past other owner to do. I truly think you did the best.
Thank you Seth.
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miwo
Veteran Member
Posts: 597
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Post by miwo on Aug 13, 2020 9:15:38 GMT
Take a breather. Cancerous threads like the one you started get exhausting if you continue to participate in them whilst the pan is hot.
You've improved a lot since you started your tenure. Of course there'll be some downturns along the way, but the bumpy ride has become a lot less bumpy over the last few years with you as owner. You have matured much. There was a reason why you were by far the favourite to become the owner of this server, and if we were to make another election on who should be owner you'd win in a landslide. I have my grievances with you, but they have definitely improved over time. You mention that you are stubborn and that is very apparent, however when the community urges you to reconsider a "final decision" (as you yourself put it) you almost always grant the community's wishes (e.g. Wilee's countless bans). Even though a big chunk of this community dislikes my guts, you always helped if I was treated unfairly by the majority, and this sounds kinda-fukin-cringe because this is a MC server, but that takes "guts"
If however this is goodbye to you as owner, then I would just want to let you know that I appreciate your service to Total Freedom. Thank you.
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Post by banteroussor on Aug 13, 2020 10:14:33 GMT
Mate I'd say overall you have been a good owner, would be shame to see you go because I believe you have matured over the time you have been owner.
I'd say you should take a little break and leave the server to the executives for a bit and reflect on your decision.
And if you choose to go, I'll respect whatever decision you decide to make, leave or stay.
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Fleek
Veteran Member
Posts: 3,548
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Post by Fleek on Aug 13, 2020 11:11:22 GMT
Take a break Seth, you have done so much over the years.
#aussie4owner2k20
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Wild1145
Club 4000 Member
Inactive Player & Inactive Senior Admin
Posts: 10,414
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Post by Wild1145 on Aug 13, 2020 12:27:49 GMT
I will say, as someone who has challenged what you've done on here and as someone that's been around since the 2012 era, you've certainly done a good job overall, and for better or worse because you had existing friendships with folks on the server, that will always be perceived as playing favourites and things like that.
I'll also say as someone who formally ran a (reasonably imo) successful Minecraft server, that being an owner is difficult and draining, especially when things are difficult. And I'd suggest you've probably hit a burn out point, and it may take a few weeks, but at some point you'll likely bounce back and be ready to tackle things again. I had exactly the same thing with CJFreedom, and our decision was to close the server entirely because all 3 owners hit burn out at a similar point, and it wasn't sustainable for us.
My personal suggestion, would be to take some time to yourself, and work out what you want to do properly, there's no point getting yourself too worked up over this server, because frankly most of the time it's just a drama fest and you'll never please everyone.
I'd also say if you do stick around (And I'd always encourage that as a default position), set out what you want to do, and how you want to change things, and then allow the community to give feedback on that, some of us have been around here for a while, and everyone has different expertise, we all know you can't please everyone, and sometimes you'll have to break a few eggs to make an omelette, but you can only do what you can do.
If you need to talk you can always find me on Discord.
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